my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize