hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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