Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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