my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize