the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize