The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
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Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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