My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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