You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Duck Duck Cougar?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
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My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
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Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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