I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize