Where is the hickey?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize