Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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