It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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