I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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