just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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