Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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