just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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