She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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