Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize