so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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