That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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