you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize