I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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