I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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