Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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