I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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