i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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