Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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