My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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