i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize