Cold hands, warm shart.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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