I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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