Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
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There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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