Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just want to make out with him forever
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize