I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize