I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize