here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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