When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize