Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize