I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
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you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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