Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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