There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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