btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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