Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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