I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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