hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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