God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
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he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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