I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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