it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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