My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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