I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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